Stripping

haha catchy title huh ? Well since the beginning of this wonderful year I have been through a lot already I feel like God is really working on me and I am being so stubborn. I am at the point where I give up and am going to let him back in the driver seat ( I dont remember when we swapped seats) He seems to be stripping me of all the negative (but pleasurable ) things in my life from relationships, situations, to mind sets. He is constantly poking me reminding me that he is watching and listening and reading my thoughts. Bro Jono has been on fire in the pulpit and I feelk like he is preaching to me and me only. Everytime he looks at me I am like thanks God I am listening. This has been so hard on me I am ready to settle down and be in a relationship but obviously God keeps telling me No he's not right for you. My mind and heart are constantly at battle my heart says go get in a relationship but my mind says no stay in God's word. arghhhhhh I hate always fighting with my thoughts and actions. My thoughts keep getting in the way. I am excited yet scared to death to see how much God strips away but also cant wait to see what he puts in my hands and path

pondering…

As I sit here and ponder my thoughts for today I think to myself what if I had taken a different path what if the decisions I made were different....where would I be? Lost,found,married,dead,dropout. ...I know that I am on this path for a reason but still I am always pondering these things. I wish I could get one re-do.  But then the question is what one thing would I change.  If I really thought this out I'd probably have like fifty billion different things. But the one thing I'd change would be the day my dad came to the highway house and showed mom and I the x rays of his diaphragm and told us he was taking one doctors opinion and was going to have surgery. I'd tell him no get a second opinion I'd tell him to take care of himself to never miss a doctors apt ever again to focus on himself and God. I'd probably spend more time with him no matter what a certain someone said I'd probably tell her how I felt and give her a piece of my mind. So the question to yourself is if you could change one moment what would you change and what would happen afterwards because of that different decision

Drive

Well I think I will copy my friend Kate for a moment there is a song that i have listened to for so many years it pretty much defines my younger years

Incubus- “Drive”

Sometimes, I feel the fear of,
uncertainty stinging clear.
And I can't help but ask
myself how much I'll let the fear
take the wheel and steer.
It's driven me before, and it seems to a faint,
haunting mass appeal.
But lately I, am beginning to find that I,
should be the one behind the wheel.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,
with open arms and open eyes, yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,
I'll be there....
So if I, decide to waiver my,
chance to be one of, the hive.
Will I, choose water over wine
and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before, and it seems to be the way,
that everyone else gets around,
But lately I'm, beginning to find that,
When I drive myself my light is found.

Would you choose, water over wine,
hold the wheel and drive...
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,
with open arms and open eyes, yeah.
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there,
I'll be there....
So if I, decide to waiver my,
chance to be one of, the hive.
Will I, choose water over wine
and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before, and it seems to be the way,
that everyone else gets around,
But lately I'm, beginning to find that,
When I drive myself my light is found.
Chorus
Would you choose, water over wine,
hold the wheel and drive...
Blink and you miss a beat
Keep one of your eyes open at all times.
Think that you're on the brink?
The shit hasn't even begun to hit the fan.
Consequence you'll see will be stranger
than a gang of drunken mimes.
Situation has a stink.
Better clear the air before
your son becomes a man.
Blink, everything's been augmented,
you've been left so far behind.
I think, for sure, next time
you should wear a pair of eyes
in the back or your head.
Consequence you've seen
has been stranger than si-fi of any kind.
Situation baffles me,
I guess it's true, you too
are one of the walking dead.
You better think fast!
Cause you never know
what's coming around the bend.
You better not blink!
For consequence is a bigger
word than you think.
It's bigger than you or me

 

So often i want the world to take control of my and me be a co pilot and I just point the finger and blame it on the world. But i am an adult now i am in control

Lost in thought

Well this week is going to be pretty easy going i have a few things going on but otherwise I'm just going to try to relax because i start school in a few weeks. As i have spent the past few days in though i am constantly reminded how much i am missing something in my life …not sure exactly what i know my weak points but not sure what is missing . My walk with Christ is not where it needs to be and it grieves my heart that I have let is slip to this level. I will be going in a few weeks on a ski trip and will be spending it with my college/career and our youth group i am pretty excited. I need this trip for a renewal. I miss my close walk with God and I know it is going to take me setting aside all things and leaning only on him, Bro Jono was talking about witchcraft last night and how rebellion is a side step of witchcraft the more i think about it i am starting to agree because the more i disobey God and myself the more I am filling myself with the world and all the things around me ..Britney Spears has a song and i know one of the lyrics “living in sin is the new trend” trena and I were talking about it and we both agreed that it is a true statement this world is going to hell in a hand basket we live for now not for the long run. I am not perfect my conscience beats me up a lot because i know to do the right thing its just sometimes, in the words of bro jono, i like to take the easy way out of a situation. I am still working on ME i feel like it is going to be a never ending job/ battle but I'm here to take on the world and not lose myself

2010 really?

wow well i have already started this year off amazing! Last night I spent the night at Laura's with Kate she came down from Chicago and WE spent the night watching movies making brownies and cathcing up like little school girls! I have missed my Kate very much and wish she would move back to TN. This year is going to be an interesting one I am about to begin my application and interview process for the Radiology program and am super excited, but also scared to death. This semester at college is going to be jammed pack with fun and studying :) I am trying to figure out what my new years resolutions are going to be.... usually i spend weeks writing and pondering what they are going to be well not this year... O f course i want to be healthier and slimmer ( thats a given of course!) but this year i want to work on POSITIVE THINKING..... My mind gets the best of me sometimes and it really can tear a person down after awhile! I cant promise I am going to be perfect but I am gonna try harder :) This year i want to put more focus on God sometimes I let him slip to the back burner in my life and thats not how things are suppose to be. I would like to travel a little more this year but at the same time save money to go on a big get away trip. I am in the process of filling out my passport application that way if i need to get away legally i can :) This year will be filled with surprises, new adventures, and maybe a little repetition. This year i also would like to become an avid blogger. Blogging is mental and spiritual therapy!! well here we go 2010 let the fun and misery begin!!!!!!!