When I am weak I...

So this past week I went to an amazing place, to which is like a second home ...THE BEACH!!!Oh how relaxing and amazing the trip was. I went with two of my girlfriends from church, and we had a blast! Every morning, I would get up and go for a jog on the beach. Every time my toes touched the sand I would stand in awe of the beauty around me, and what all God has made. This week was a much needed week I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. I am ready to take time and focus on myself and not so much worry about the thoughts people have toward me! I want to focus mainly on my health and finally reach the happiness that I deserve!!!

I promise I am listening

I fell like this has been my statement for the week . I am slowly realizing that I am being completly consumed with work and homework this semester. I spaced out this week in half my classes and took to doodling all over my papers( more than usual that is). I have had a few teachers give me that look. You know the one with the eyebrow raise and glare . But in all honesty I really do listen better when I am doodling. What most teachers dont realize is that I doodle on my notes . For example, in Tennessee History we were learning about the Cherokee Nation and their culture. Well I proceeded to doodle out my Native Americans and construct little pictures of their matriarchal views. Well my teacher kept observing it and after class I approached her and showed her and after that she understood.

Not Worthy but Forever Greatful

This is written on the outside of my quiet time journal/prayer journal. I read this statement every time I go to open it and it still to this day takes my breath away. If it wasn't for Christ I would never have chosen Him I would still be lost in the flow of this world and be damned to hell. I think I take my salvation for granite sometimes...actually most of the time. I complain because school is hard or work is hard but my complaints and frustrations are microscopic in comparison to what Christ went through and what He goes through everyday. When I sin in hurts me so badly but I know it hurts my God even more. Today in my quiet time I was reading in Jeremiah 2 and verse 7 smacked me in the face ...hard . - I brought you into a bountiful country, to eat its fruits and its goodness. But when you entered, you defiled My land and made My heritage an abomination. So often I get the mindset that the bible is filled with examples that are meant to not be repeated like this verse. But we are repeating this exact example. We live in a country with Freedoms (religion, speech,etc.) and yet we hide our God because we are afraid of what man will think of us . I am guilty of this and i know it and it completely disgusts me.

Tick-Tock, Left ,Right, Inhale ,Exhale

As I take a step back and look at my life I realize how much I fall into routine and just ride waves out until there is no movement left. My thoughts wander constantly and never cease to keep my mind spinning with future ideas. Where will I be in five years? This question has been on my mind recently. My answer, "I have no clue". I hate the fact that I have no clue what I will be doing in the future. I am the ttype of person that likes to be in control and know how things are going to turn out. I turn to God to give me direction but my flesh tries so hard to tear me down. Many thoughts that have ran through my head today: Army, Flying, Run quit your job and start over, France, Missionary work, Join a Convent, Become a civilized nomad, create an invention and live off the money, take up fiddling again, go to the gym, write a book, say "I love you" and mean it, write a letter to friends. So many thoughts and yet I did nothing to change my life for the better. On a brighter side I am sitting at Starbucks with a dear friend, who i will travel with someday I hope! As I go on this self evaluation test of who I am the end result will be God,happiness, success, down hills followed by up hills, friendships,relationships, and life lessons. I dont want to be content with life I want to keep things up in the air ,always new and always changing.

Drip...drip....drip..

Drip drip, ting, bang, smack, pop,boom screech, laugh , vroom, phew,ding, bee boo, bing, kerplunk.......Now I dont know if i have spelt these correct. Those are a few of the sounds from my day today. I know that God is truly amazing he has blessed me to take care of some amazing kids the past few days. I am gettting to know The Camp kids. A few words to describe them stron, hungry for God's word , obedient, funny, energetic, and extremly happy. Thoses are just a few words to describe these four kids. I got to be apart of their fun day today and had a blast from the bicycle relays to sponge tosses we all had a blast. Last night though I was able to be apart of their family worship and it truly touched my heart to be apart of it. The kids prayers were so sincere and thoughtful and sweet. Their hunger for the Word brings so much joy to my heart. I am excited to see what the future holds for the Camp kids and me.

So back to the noises ........ Today was exciting from my sweet sleep last night because I decided to go to Wal-Mart at 11 o'clock at night and by a personal fan for my bed stand. The air and hum of the fan lulled me to sleep and put me in such a deep slumber. It was magnificent:) ..........I started my day today at 7:45 after my alarm went off about 7 times i finally got annoyed by the awful buzz coming out of my cellphones speakers...... I Got to the Camp's at about 9 o clock and got to spend the first half of the day with all the kids playing games. I had so much fun! after that I ran to The Express and helped April out and took care of the customers there and did a few small jobs. As I left The Express, I stopped and thought " Caroline you complain way to much and need to be thankful for that to which God has given you." .....Man, God is always right! Today has bewen a humbling experience I got to juggle three jobs and am still up thanking God for what he has provided for me. .... So 4:30 came around and I drove on to Bocelli. As I walked in I Saw that LeBron was in the back ( The owner) and was excited. Now you must understand Mr. "LeBron" and i have a unique relationship he has known me since I was 15 and I consider him Papa he is amazing even though me and him have a love/hate relationship....He tells me what to do and I , being the voistrous red head that i can be, tell him how I feel about his instructions. We work so well together because we are total opposites i ask him questions and he tells me the woes of this society and how the United states is falling apart because of Mr. President ...and he always says throughtout the night " You should watch Glen Beck he comes on at 4 every afternoon" ....all in all work at Bocelli tonight was pretty good I also had 2 great waitresses with me tonight :) .

Lord thankyou for what you are providing for me everyday. I deserve nothing and yet you give me everything

Dragadillo

Dragadillo- dragon and armadillo combined :)


Now where do I begin. It seems like when I am at my highest point the world is trying its hardest to bring me down. These past few weeks have been very hard on me. With school, work, and social life I feel like I never stop (although sometimes I like the fast pace scene) . Well I am still up in the air with my career I feel like God is really leading me to do missionary work but the question is where do I begin? I went on one when i was younger but I wasnt strong in my walk with Christ so I didnt do much. I feel like God is really putting this desire in my heart and I want to follow through with it. Yes I am very nervous about this but I know with Christ all things are possible. I emailed Bro.Jono last night and he really encouraged me to follow in Gods will and everything will work out.

Fill my cup

How do you express your emotions when you are filled so much with Christ that every song brings you to tears and every verse I read makes my heart skip a beat. Last night we had a reconciliation service and I though I'll go but nothing is gonna be said pointed towards me....I was sooo wrong. God has really been dealing with my heart he is pealing the many layers of my flesh back and I love it. I am falling in love with the Lord more than ever. I am not a very emotional person I dont cry or hug but lately its been the opposite. Listening to my pandora radio all the praise songs just touch so deep. This morning during my quiet time God just filled my bedroom and spoke to me through the proverbs and it was beautiful. I am not perfect and he is showing me that but he is also showing me that I must turn to him and listen and ask for help when I need it. God you are so great. My hearts desire right now is to go on a mission trip I feel like God is really pressing that towards me. I am a working progress( meaning i keep moving forward not backward) I know that the Lord is going to provide the way for me to do his work I must be patient :)