Tick-Tock, Left ,Right, Inhale ,Exhale

As I take a step back and look at my life I realize how much I fall into routine and just ride waves out until there is no movement left. My thoughts wander constantly and never cease to keep my mind spinning with future ideas. Where will I be in five years? This question has been on my mind recently. My answer, "I have no clue". I hate the fact that I have no clue what I will be doing in the future. I am the ttype of person that likes to be in control and know how things are going to turn out. I turn to God to give me direction but my flesh tries so hard to tear me down. Many thoughts that have ran through my head today: Army, Flying, Run quit your job and start over, France, Missionary work, Join a Convent, Become a civilized nomad, create an invention and live off the money, take up fiddling again, go to the gym, write a book, say "I love you" and mean it, write a letter to friends. So many thoughts and yet I did nothing to change my life for the better. On a brighter side I am sitting at Starbucks with a dear friend, who i will travel with someday I hope! As I go on this self evaluation test of who I am the end result will be God,happiness, success, down hills followed by up hills, friendships,relationships, and life lessons. I dont want to be content with life I want to keep things up in the air ,always new and always changing.