i know...Slacker!!!

I know that I have not Written anything in a long time. It seems like I get so caught up in my own little world that I forget a lot of the little details that make me happy. I love doing this because it gives me a place to vent! Well I am still at Columbia State and I feel as though I will be there forever. I had to drop one of my online classes( Algebra) it was just way to intense. I was spending hours after hours just trying to catch up and once i thought i was caught up there was tons more. I plan on taking it next semester on campus! I am taking a Medical Terminology Class and i like it its just alot of memorization! Never knew a medical word had so many meanings. I am also taking Psychology and I have enjoyed it. It is amazing to learn about the processes of the brain and thinking styles and etc. In my computer app's class I am learning how to work a computer( its a required course ....) but its fun and easy, I like it. I am loving life for the most part some things could be better but that will have to take time and me wanting to chan ge the little things that drive me nuts. I spend my time working, sleeping, studying and hanging with Trena and friends. My friends are awesome i love them to death they are always there for me and i hope they can say the same about me. I havent seen my brother and Zary a whole lot its hard with them living in the boro and me in s'ville.....it takes effort on both parts and i havent been trying ive been a slacker. I am still trying to find equilibrium in my life and that is alot harder than i ever thought it would be. I want so much in one weeks time .....social life, work, school, gym, bike riding, softball, sleep, and church. It gets hectic and not everythnig can be squeezed into one week.....and that flusters me at times. This weekend i have had one of my moms friends in and she is so amazing Michele is so funny and intelligent she is a beautiful woman inside and out. She is sassy and yet reserved. She leaves today and I am going to miss her dearly I may have to take a flight up to PA to see her:)..... I miss freedom lol I miss being able to wake up when ever i want and do whatever come to mind for that day and that day only......But then i remember I live in reality and reality doesnt allow me to fly by the seat of my pants. Structure Structure Structure in time I will becomne an OCD robot who walk the same path and does the same thing everyday....but i am determined to find my way around it and continue to be spontanious!!!!!!! I will not give IN!!!!!

God is my REFUGE

Wow how do I explain the past two weeks. Well this year College and Career was invited to Youth Camp and i was so excited I couldn't wait. Well the devil was definitely trying to work us over. We were all told to meet BC and Jono and Bro. David in the office. We were then told that we had to leave our cell phones at the church or were not allowed to go to camp. I was able to keep mine because i was driving but everyone of the girls including me were in shock. The entire way down to camp was insane we were feeding off of each others emotions and that was not a good thing. We walked into camp bitter and upset. I remember walking into the main meeting area and thinking “What am I doing here, I am 20 years old at youth camp”. The rest of the day was the devil taking over us. Hatred built up in me and caused me to turn bitter towards all the adults. Well that night God really convicted me during the sermon. I wanted to fall on my face and beg BC and Bro Jono  for forgiveness. That evening Jenny and I were sitting outside and were talking about how immature we were acting and how convicted and horrible we felt. that morning i got up at 5 and went jogging trying to clear my head. At this point i still had my phone even though i hadn't touched it since we got to camp. I grabbed my phone on the way out stuck it in my pocket and ran. I ran for about an hour trying to figure out  how Satan had gotten to me that easily with the cell phone where else was he in my life that i didn't truly realize. about 6:15 i waited at the main area for BC to get up and he came out and i motioned for him to come over and just apologized and asked for his forgiveness for the actions i had portrayed. As a college and career member i was at camp to be a leader and up until that point i was being the most childish person at the camp. UI handed him my phone and told him to keep it. Camp was so much better after that. Every sermon kept getting better and better Bro. Jono and Bro. Don were on fire!!!!!!! They are two of the most Godly men I have ever met in my entire life. Camp showed me a lot.The armor of God is much more than just a shield and shoulder pads. The armor is everything in the Christian walk. We will fall flat on our faces everyday if we dont put on the armor of God. Each piece is necessary and you cant have one missing. Satan will aim his fiery darts(which are made special for your weaknesses) at you and if one part of you is not protected he will hit (seek and destroy). Our youth group became a unified body for the first time ever. It truly was beautiful to see everyone together hugging crying talking asking for forgiveness for the petty things that caused them to grow cold toward each other. Our youth group and college and career is on fire and revival. My biggest prayer is that we keep the fire going and never let it snuff out. Quiet times are necessary and keep me in line and focused on God and what he wants me to do in my life!!!!!!

Lost in Dreams

I have finally figured out that I am a dreamer. My head is always in the clouds. I am okay with that also. I cant punctuate but i wish i could. I love to journal it is great therapy. I have started a new journey in my life. I have been going to CSCC for two semester but my heart hasn't been in it. As of summer 09 i should be taking one class hopefully online. I met with my adviser for the first time and i am 74 credit hours away from my Radiology degree. I have a lot of hard classes ahead of me. I am determined to make it. I love my job working at Bocelli but it is not my career. I want to work and love my job and be satisfied. I love my job now but i am not tottally satisfied i feel stuck more than anything. God has shown me a lot in the past few months. It took me so long to figure out that i cant do everything. I have to rely on Him and that was a hard lesson to learn. He has helped me give up so much anger and grudges. I am learning to live in a Christ like way and i love it! I have beaten so many habbits and addictions> It is amazing when you turn your eyes away from the world and focus on God everything is so much better and easier. I have learned so much about reality from a young age and i will not let that get me down. I lost my dad when i was 15 and to me i thought life would never go on...but it does ! I promise! Forever i held a grudge against God and kept asking why dad ? why did he have to go? i need him? but now i know i have learned so much from that experience. I know my dad is in heaven and is not in pain anymore. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "Apple of my Eye" it is a constant reminder of the love he had for me. anytime i get down and start feeling upset i read Gods word and look at my wrist and i know everything will be okay. God gives me strength. It still amazes me to this day that One man gave his life for the sin of the world ...for me! I dont think my mind will ever wrap around the splendor of Christ but i thrive to be a light and lead others to Him. I always thought if i played church no one would doubt me and i was wrong. I have such a strong church. Bro. Jonos preachings bring me to my knees and remind me why i am here on Earth. I am not here for a good career family friends and social acceptance. I am here to lead others to Him. This place is not my home my home is sitting in heaven with God praising him for the rest of eternity.!!!!!